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You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. 4. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Auld Lang Slice This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Theyre U.S. AF! Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. It took the poor guy all day. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. SUB sandwiches! 3. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. [Answered]. 5. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. ! Again, no reply. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Flight Announcements 4. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Where are you from? Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Fish Food. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. 4. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . Read more. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. They cant seem to string three Ws together. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. But I had the last laugh. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. (pointing at the sky). When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? 7. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Attention! I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. 4. Co-Pilot: What?!. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Thanks.. 2. Caller: Is Sgt. SUB sandwiches! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Did you make it all by yourself? USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Officer: Soldier. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. A LOOtenant! Me: Hello? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. It was PRIVATE. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. He is the Founder and . 28. What do hungry Marines eat? Caller: Is Sgt. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. 2. 1. 11. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Did it work? What are you doing? I asked. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. A LOOtenant! Caller: Sgt. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Theres a post recall and he went to work. 18. He nodded. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. 66. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. 30. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, The Blonde Fighter Pilot The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. What would As A.J. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. 38. You divertyour course! So I quit ordering it.. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. 37. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! The Best Short Military Jokes 1. 2. Whats an LMD? I asked. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water.

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