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Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. Sometimes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because it was incredibly boring, like three days of being in windowless conference rooms. We can take care of ourselves. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. And opportunities to cheat and people who will spike a strangers drink exist in every city. Totally. I might just be flinching at the use of the word wholesome, though. In either case, I should have ended it. Hope youre all right, OP. I have horrible anxiety. My co-worker (who doesnt drink or gamble) went with their spouse a few months ago for a work conference. And the wife discussing it as though its a reasonable position makes me SAD. But they LOVE the idea of going there and want you to have lots of fun! People buy life insurance for people they love all the time, and dont tell them to stay at home all the time to avoid the risks. I was thinking the same thing. Huh. Ive now chosen to travel for my job to offset he loneliness. his friends wouldnt let their wives go. As someone who also suffers from anxiety and irrational fears about my partners safety, this is such a kind response and vivid description of how (otherwise) reasonable people can become unreasonable. He would be excited, even. No, but I feel like almost every thread, somebody chimes in with an armchair anxiety diagnosis. I bet youll have a blast. I made this comment on the most recent one of those! I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. It was a blast! Not everything is family friendly (I.E. Surely you jest! Vegas strip is basically just that a massive neon strip mall with lots of people. And people loooooove the lotto tix here. He is just jealous that he cant get off work and go with me! I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. His response is not reasonable except in AAMs answer. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. I only think bad things with Vegas and wonder why its chosen for a business thing (LW never said conference, so I wonder if it was chosen for the fun too). I cordially dislike Vegas. Never! And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. People watching! Yeah Im trying to tell myself this kind of misconception is the kindest possible explanation. We always have a good laugh when one of my husbands coworkers asks him, You actually let your wife go away without you? We took a shorter trip while he we breastfeeding and and still did it the same. You cant leave the house, there are kidnappers everywhere! I wonder if he needs help with general anxiety rather than marriage counselling. fractured ending scene; harold bornstein obituary cause of death; can you play volleyball with a torn acl; gambar teguh sugianto. I question who he was talking to that would say they wouldnt let their spouses go. Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps. Thats the weirdest part of it to me! He made her upset the entire trip last time. To me, wholesome is about the primary purpose of the activity. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. At work? Many manage to avoid devil-worshipping sex orgy kidnapping extravaganzas for almost the entire year. And insanely good airline availability and inexpensive flights. Ithewhat??? Marriage counseling is good for me so I know how to commute to her and not roll my eyes and whisper not this again when she does go off the on a tangent. At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight. Its been a while, but the last time I went to Vegas, we went to a Cirque du Soleil show, did a lot of shoe shopping, and took a drive out to the hoover dam (and took a cool tour). We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. rarely cede ground. He could use some time and a space where he could work through these anxieties with a therapist who could help him think of ways to handle them better. Overnight somewhere then do the same thing the next day. I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. Theres no life insurance policy in the world that would substitute for my husbands continued presence in my life and on this planet. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Yeah. P.S., you forgot to shill The Gift of Fear.. But itseems like they want totake things slowly. As Captain Awkward would put it: you have a husband problem, not a job problem. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. Honestly, it feels awful. FWIW, I am a married woman and had to travel to Vegas many times for work, and had to drive to dozens of locations the entire time. On a larger scale, I see a couple of concerning things here. I agree that the OP should not even consider not going on the trip. Nail on head, right here. Fine with me. He is ambitious & caring.His insecurities have gotten the best of him in this situation. Its like the person who tried to quit, and their boss polls the other managers and then tells employee that the other managers all agree, employee does not have a good enough reason to quit. You (and a therapist) would know better. I do know some people (who have never been to Vegas!) We had dinner at night and then literally went to sleep the moment we returned from dinner. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. I know many wonderful non-abusive people who would raise a hairy eyeball over this. And I dont know whether I asked permission, exactly, to plan some activities on my own this weekend to decompress from a week of solo child care, but I did run it by her she was of course supportive, but sometimes with this kind of planning there are scheduling issues we have to work out. Pressuring/guilting him into not going? My grandmother pays for the trip. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. Its so much more tame than it once was. You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. But not wholesome. I agree. If the city is a well known destination to indulge in vices ( sex outside of a relationship for pay, drinking, drugs, gambling) than its fair to say that its not the most wholesome location. Sounds like this husband needs to identify exactly what he is afraid ofI highly doubt that both his wife cheating and her getting kidnapped are equal fears because they stem from different insecurities, but hey, maybe hes insecure about everything. We felt safe walking around at 2AM. And lets not forget: its entirely possible for someone to dabble in being a controlling, selfish jerk without really rising to the level of abuse or being an abuser. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. Just on the wholesomeness scale, it tries way harder to be cool older brother than, say, Omaha or Iowa City. My husband was very upset. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. Doyou have any tips onbuilding trust, friendship, and respect with your partners family? Im not even sure how I would react to that. As someone with an anxiety disorder myself, I can understand the uncontrolled thoughts the husband is having. Look at it again. Just in case. I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. It is obvious that anyone who says that has never been here, because there arent even that many people who are obviously Muslims living here. (Pretty sure the best meal Ive had in my life was at a Vegas buffet there was bone marrow covered in like fig sauce and the second or third best was at one of the steakhouses). Everyone else said she deserved it! You know, because theyd been there for the last year and had witnessed all of it and hadnt just heard his side of the story through his rose-tinted glasses. I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! Its just worth knowing that having a long list of good traits doesnt mean you arent in a problematic relationship, or that you cant choose nope for your own emotional health. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. Yes, but even then, not a spouses authority to decide if hubby/wife can go on a trip, business or otherwise. I would say most of his issues stem from his childhood trauma and some possible but undiagnosed Aspergers (he has closely observed human behavior to figure out whats expected, is a brilliant programmer, works on empathy). Its actually better that way now for example, its now possible to eat a meal without hearing about keno. Couples counselling isnt about sharing blame as it is figuring out problems in the relationship and working together to find solutions. or is it not? My mom is convinced that as soon as the sun goes down, everyone is a drunk driver.

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